• valek879@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
    50·
    vor 3 Tagen

    I called out my baby brother earlier this year. All us grandkids were sitting together and talking and my baby brother, 17/m, was saying something and he was like, “…and I raped…” Such and such a thing.

    I passed it up the first time because I was a kid once. We kept talking and he said it again. Conversation continued and we were talking about his gf and he said “raped” again (not in relation to his gf, just adjacent) and I stopped things.

    I think I said something like, “Hey dude, that word is one I’m sure your buddies use and that’s actually okay, but it also has a lot of terrible meanings. Even if it’s not been your intention everyone in this room has shot you a look every time you’ve said rape. I’m pretty sure none of us appreciate it and I’m sure your girlfriend doesn’t either. It’s a very scary thing and not just from a woman’s perspective. You got to think about your audience.”

    He didn’t say “raped” again where any of us could hear him. Our little grandkid clan of 3 men and 2 women will be better for it.

  • velma@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
    58·
    vor 3 Tagen

    My ex-husband played a lot of online games when I was with him. He would often laugh and say such things like “I raped you, bro!”. He didn’t give a fuck about how I felt about it and refused to stop using such language. “Everyone does it” type attitude.

    I cannot stand to hear men rage out over video games. It makes my heart pound and gives me such anxiety.

    • LavaPlanet@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
      19·
      vor 3 Tagen

      I’m so glad he’s an ex. I’m so glad you got away from that. I absolutely get it, I have a similar ex, he didn’t rage out about gaming, because he wasn’t a gamer, but nothing else was safe. He had other words he tried to “normalise”. They think they’re gods, but really they’re a dime a dozen, you could pick one up at your local tip shop, half price because so many people throw them out.

      • velma@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
        18·
        vor 3 Tagen

        Thank you! I’m so much happier without him :)

        My current partner is also a gamer, but he never, ever yells at his computer or throws things or threatens to rape others. It’s so nice.

    • ZDL@lazysoci.alEnglish
      2·
      vor 2 Tagen

      This is one of two reasons I don’t play video games. The culture is incredibly toxic.

  • kerrigan778@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
    3·
    vor 2 Tagen

    I came here to say that seems optimistic considering how much it feels like we’re backsliding but… Damn the comments section…

  • werty@sh.itjust.worksBanned from communityEnglish
    38·
    vor 3 Tagen

    Ever had a seemingly decent guy tell you that rape is normal part of male sexuality and it’s fine to want it as long as they don’t actually do it. I’m asexual these days. I don’t undefstand the rape thing. Can’t imagine a bigger turnoff than not being wanted. Apparently it’s different for some men.

    • phdepressed@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
      21·
      vor 3 Tagen

      There’s a lot of porn (mostly hentai) where its portrayed as unwanted at the start but through amazing horsecock they come to enjoy it. There’s also a very big power fantasy element to it.

      A good portion of women are also into it as a fantasy… none are into it as a reality though (obviously).

      • velma@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
        28·
        vor 3 Tagen

        I keep re-reading this comment in disgust.

        Portraying rape victims enjoying their rape part-way through as a justification for men to fantasize about rape is really problematic. There are bodily responses that can happen during rape, like orgasming, but that doesn’t mean a rape victim wants the rape or enjoys it. This is an entirely separate category of porn than say CNC (consensual non-consent) scenes where the “victim” is in complete control.

        • werty@sh.itjust.worksBanned from communityEnglish
          9·
          vor 3 Tagen

          Consensual non consent is literally portraying rape as something the victim enjoys and absolutely justifies rape fantasies from both sexes. Yeah I’m fetish shaming and I 'm not sorry. There was a guy who enjoyed hammering nails into his dick and his pleasure didn’t make it mentally healthy. Women who are into rape fantasy encourage rape. Now ban me.

          • velma@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
            23·
            vor 3 Tagen

            Again, difference is that the “victim” in the scene is in control. There’s quite a few people that have had their past traumas come through as kinks in this way, but it’s not anything like porn that portrays rape as a positive for the victim and what they want. I’m not even sure if I’m explaining the differences very well here tbh, but there are differences between the two.

            I respect that you have a difference of opinion on this though. Why would I ban you? *Oh, you’re a man…

            Edit: The fantasy of being raped and of being a rapist are distinct in my opinion.

            Edit 2: The consensual part in CNC is the most important part.

        • Taleya@aussie.zoneEnglish
          5·
          vor 3 Tagen

          Oh boy this is gonna be a hornets nest. Kids these days are oblivious to the kink tomato and don’t particularly care - fandom has a lot of purity politicking nowadays.

          • velma@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
            10·
            vor 3 Tagen

            I’m really uncomfortable with how many upvotes that comment has already and it’s growing. That this topic was brought up on this post is interesting. The main post is specifically talking about men making rape jokes and this person coming in with “porn depicts rape victims as enjoying it!” is a crazy direction to take this topic.

            • Taleya@aussie.zoneEnglish
              6·
              vor 3 Tagen

              It’s definitely a shoehorn. I dislike that sort of jacking, it takes a meaningful thread discussing something and pushes it off into a completely different direction. And yes, when that happens you need to wonder at the motivation.

      • Wren@lemmy.todayEnglish
        6·
        vor 3 Tagen

        It’s not a rape fantasy, it’s about being wanted in a situation where the “victim” is in complete control. And what a weird fucking thing to bring up in this thread, in reply to that comment of all things.

        It almost sounds like you’re trying to justify it.

        Are you following the rules of this community?

        • phdepressed@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
          3·
          vor 3 Tagen

          I’m certainly not justifying it, just trying to explain it. Have to understand the opposing reasons in order to figure out how to best deal with it.

          • Wren@lemmy.todayEnglish
            5·
            vor 3 Tagen

            Oh, lol. You were trying to explain it in the most dumbed down, incorrect, armchair wannabe psychologist way?

            You didn’t answer my question. Are you in the right community?

          • velma@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
            4·
            vor 3 Tagen

            You were trying to explain why men make rape jokes?

            Or were you trying to explain why some men enjoy rape?

            • phdepressed@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
              3·
              vor 3 Tagen

              Why some men enjoy rape and why they feel comfortable making rape jokes. Its not that separate of a thing. Power fantasy media and fantasy being removed from reality make people feel comfortable about treating it lightly rather than with the seriousness it deserves.

              • Wren@lemmy.todayEnglish
                2·
                vor 3 Tagen

                When in history has rape ever been taken seriously? When husbands were allowed to rape their wives?

                This is one of the dumbest explanations I’ve ever heard.

      • werty@sh.itjust.worksBanned from communityEnglish
        5·
        vor 3 Tagen

        I don’t watch porn and hentai sounds particularly gross. I don’t care for peoples mastubatory garbage, I’m saying that theres a lot of rape justificatation out there and you seem to be adding to it.

        • BrainBow65@lemmy.worldEnglish
          10·
          vor 3 Tagen

          I don’t see how consensual nonconsent is justifying rape at all? Most people are able to separate their fantasies from reality. As long as everyone involved is consenting and enjoying themselves why does it matter what they do?

          Its not like people who participate in CNC are also actually committing rape or approve of it in any way.

  • pega_sus@lemmy.worldEnglish
    29·
    vor 3 Tagen

    Just keep an eye out for how he reacts to how trans women are treated in men’s prisons. They REALLY can’t help themselves

      • pega_sus@lemmy.worldEnglish
        4·
        vor 3 Tagen

        It doesn’t even take that; anything from saying “if you can’t do the time don’t do the crime” to “(s)he probably secretly enjoyed it, why else would (s)he dress like that?”. I’ve seen both in comments in regards to a story about being v-coded.

        How they treat Trans women in public, they treat cis women in private.

  • ZDL@lazysoci.alEnglish
    9·
    vor 3 Tagen

    Holy shit.

    I think this is the very first thread in this community where I mute the whole thread. Loads of really triggering shit in here.