I have a friend who lives on the West coast of the US who refers to me as “buddy” a lot, and I don’t mention it, but it gives me the ick (she knew me pre-transition). I think she just uses it like a gender-neutral word for anyone (the way “dude” and “bro” ca be used sometimes), but I’m triggered, lol 😅
In public / with people who never knew me before transition, people will often refer to me and whoever I’m with (they’re usually women) as “ladies” (ironically my sister-in-law hates how often she is called “ladies” when she’s around me, lol).
On the phone or individually people often refer to me as “dear”. In the South, I got a lot more “sweetie”, “honey”, and even “sweet girl” and “good girl”.
What have your experiences been like (before, during, and after transition)?
On rare occasions I’ll get a “ma’am” from strangers, and I’ve got one friend who will give me an occasional “darling”. But aside from that, nothing but my regular name.
And the only time I’ve gotten “ladies”, it was the waiter addressing me and my masc/NB partner during an anniversary date. That wasn’t fun for anyone.
Oof.
One of the times I got a “ladies” I was hanging out with a closeted transmasc friend and they were caught as collateral damage. (To be fair, he is extremely feminine, wears feminine clothes in pastel colors, wears feminine jewelry and earrings, and he hasn’t socially or medically transitioned at all, other than to ask the local trans groups to use he/they pronouns for him.)
But it still really sucks, I feel like I’m failing in that moment - there isn’t an easy way for me to defend my friend without awkwardly outing him and needlessly alienating a cis person who could not have possibly known he was a closeted transmasc person.
I also get uncomfortable when he goes into the women’s restroom with me - like, they are asking me to use “he/they” pronouns for him, but he’s also going to go in the women’s restroom with me? 🤷♀️ I dunno, it can create some cognitive dissonance for me, even if I also understand being closeted means you are making these kinds of choices.
But I try to be understanding, I know it’s hard to come out of the closet and actually transition - hopefully he does soon.
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Subject 376
My driving instructor was the only person who I can think of pre transition who called me anything specific, he called me “lad”, which I told him multiple times I didn’t like and he kept ‘forgetting’ and using it anyway :(
I’ve gotten called “that woman over there” (a conversation I overheard), and to my face, Miss and Ma’am. I also get the “ladies” thing when with others, haha!
yay, we’re ladies 👏 👏 👏
pre-transition I was mistaken for a girl from behind once and called “miss” by a customer (which caused mixed feelings for me)
but mostly pre-transition I had typical boy and man experiences: “he”, “sir”, “dude”, “bro”, etc.
post-transition it is more typical of a young woman, lots of “miss”
when I was visibly trans or people knew I was trans, I would get a lot of “they” (even though I don’t like being referred to as “they”, particularly when it indicates discomfort or uncertainty from a cis person), or people just not using gendered language for me (I think a lot of this is an attempt to be polite in the face of ambiguity about my gender - they don’t want to offend).
Ohh i just call all people who haven’t told me othereise “they” to avoid assumptions, even if their gender is ‘obvious’, I hadn’t considered people might not like that …
