I don’t know where to begin, so I’m just going to put words on ‘paper’

I’m 33 and got out of a serious relationship ~6 months ago.

I’m looking for someone to spend the rest of my life with, and recently met someone that is a perfect fit for me on paper in so many ways, however there is a thought or feeling I just can’t escape. I feel there is a lack of chemistry/attraction.

My new potential partner and I have been seeing each other for about a month, and have spent many days and nights together. She is objectively good looking and anyone would be lucky to have her multiple of my friends have said wow she’s really pretty when they’ve met her however I don’t feel the chemistry/attraction and I think I know where it comes from.

My ex was extremely feminine and we had insane chemistry from the start, the new potential partner I’m dating isn’t feminine and is quite masculine in physical and behavioral ways and I think that’s a turn off for me. I didn’t even realize femininity mattered this much to me.

I feel insane for thinking of breaking things off with an objectively attractive, successful women who’s logistics fit so well with mine it’s honestly like finding a needle in a haystacks.

I feel stuck constantly fighting questions like:

  • Am I just full of shit and looking for a unicorn that doesn’t exist?
  • Should I listen to my heart and feelings and let go of this because - it doesn’t feel right?
  • I’m getting old and want to settle down, should I priorities logistics and accept good enough?
  • Am I just overly picky? Can I afford to be this picky?

My heart is telling me one thing, my head another. Help

  • ThrowAwayForObvReasons@lemmy.worldOPEnglish
    0·
    7 months ago

    Two people can love each other, but not make each other happy or not give each other what they need. Logistics matter, love alone isn’t enough.

    I’ve known her for 4 weeks, the logistics couldn’t be better but I feel a lack of love/spark.

    That’s what brings me here making this post, because I feel both are important.

    • beetus@lemmy.worldEnglish
      01·
      7 months ago

      The logistics couldn’t be better but I feel a lack of love/spark.

      I don’t get it, I said you don’t sound like you love her enough and you seem to agree. You keep talking about logistics as if you are looking for a new job and picking between remote work and moving to a new city.

      I understand both are important to you, but you keep saying that only one side is meeting your needs.

      Either you are willing to be in a less than love filled relationship for the convenience and status it brings you, or you desire the intimate connection you arent getting. You have to decide. I’m just telling you what I’m seeing from your words, essentially a business deal.

      What happens when the “logistics” falter? Are you willing to compromise your self admitted desire for more? Are you willing to be unsatisfied in the emotional and romantic connection department just because your friends think she’s hot?

      • ThrowAwayForObvReasons@lemmy.worldOPEnglish
        1·
        7 months ago

        What happens when the “logistics” falter? Are you willing to compromise your self admitted desire for more? Are you willing to be unsatisfied in the emotional and romantic connection department just because your friends think she’s hot?

        Honestly did you even read my post or replies? What makes you think that I think any of the things you just said.

        Sure logistics or even love can falter, but you need to start from a good foundation where logistics and love is at a good place to stand a chance.

        • beetus@lemmy.worldEnglish
          0·
          7 months ago

          Yes I read it and you focus on her appearance and her success. You don’t mention any details in your op about why she matters to you beyond how your friends and family perceive her.

          You describe wanting a partner to settle down with and yet you fail to mention any reasons beyond her appearance for why her logistics are meaningful.

          You ask if you if you are a fool to consider that you should love someone more deeply than their “logistics”.

          So yes, I did read what you wrote about her. You seem conflicted between an attractive partner and finding someone you love.

          You don’t seem to love her, you love her features.

          • ThrowAwayForObvReasons@lemmy.worldOPEnglish
            1·
            7 months ago

            You ask if you if you are a fool to consider that you should love someone more deeply than their “logistics”.

            I never said that, I’m shocked at how completely wrong you’re getting this. I’m going to assume you’re a troll.