You know what? I’m not sure the signal even turned on correctly? It was probably a glitch with the electric network. I feel sooo baaaaad omg!

Wish I’d seen this an hour ago.

I can’t be the only one who sees the concerning common thread in literally all of OP’s posts? It dawned on me while I was making dinner last night and my friends said they noticed the same thing.

Pbotatoes

But never lupus

A planet with an investment chart for a pole. WHY.

That doesn’t sound less weird.

And they’ll be worth six figures someday!

Hey, wait just a second…

Myth. What do you think creates more pressure: your little teeth or the entire ocean on top of them. And that doesn’t seem to bother them.

Oh, shit, I see it now. Why so glum, reflection sugar plum!?

Your mom is so fucking old.

That’s my secret, Cap…

I’m always nutting!

Brother, I’m relatively high, drunk, AND squinting and I have no idea wtf you’re talking about. I’d love to understand. Where on that sweet, sweet highway ass are you seeing a luchador?

He’s a job, just like you requested! Just don’t ask about the apostrophe.

I’m a potato cake man.

I’ve got lots of protein, Greg. Could you eat me?

…please? Greg?

Time to text romantic prospects from the deep past, you say?