Eyyyy welcome fellow nb.

For blood relations, I was the family member that stood up for myself and didn’t blindly follow expectations, so I was the “bad” one. In order to save face, there was a lot of triangulation between parties to make me seem like an abuser/user and themselves the victim. “Oh, i_dont_want_to is keeping my grandchild away because of a petty argument. They like to weaponize access!” (The real issue was a safety issue they did not want to correct. My dad relapsed and became dangerous. They leave that part out.)

My chosen family consists of people that love me for who I am. Not who they expect me to be. People that respect my boundaries. People that build me up, not tear me down. People that support me, even if I am making decisions they would not make. (As long as I am not hurting anyone!)

I can confirm the post partum one. Though I’m not sure if it was because of increased demands or changes in my brain.

I was raised in a very right wing household. I was a product of my upbringing and environment (hello, rural insular red state life!) but I still questioned a lot of things until I full on swung to being a feminist.

One of the biggest things for me was thinking about how, if I used the framework I was raised to live in, I would never be able to live my life happily. There are too many “no-win” situations.

If a man that is close to you hurts you, it’s still a “you” issue. Did your dad abuse you? You’re broken because of “daddy issues.” Did you turn down a man and he hurt you? Why didn’t you give him a chance? Did you have sex with that man? Slut. Did you not have sex with that man? Bitch. Did you get abused? Why didn’t you leave? Did you try to leave but got hurt or murdered? Why did you miss the red flags? Did you defend yourself when he attacked you and accidentally hurt him? All of his abuse is excused, you’re actually the worse abuser. Did you leave but you had to start over? You should have thought about that and choose a quality man. Are you trying to collect child support from a deadbeat? Why are you such a money grubbing bitch?

The best defense against men encroaching on you is other men, like a brother, father, or husband. Your own words and wishes do not matter until another man says they do.

As I experienced life and thinking about how I was held back despite doing everything right, it just made no sense to continue supporting this system. Men and women can coexist and each get a fair slice. Got to fight, for myself, other women, and women in the future.

I had a man randomly talk to me at the bus stop. (I was suspected it was to pick me up.) He mentioned a daughter and I learned she was my age.

And he still asked me out.

Uh…

My read was that it was about people harassing you, not just striking up a conversation and being polite. If you’re one of the polite ones (not harassing women), I don’t believe the meme is talking about you.

I am very gay, and I have no problems with men talking to me and asking me out. Lots of fellas are nice and will back off respectfully when I turn them down. It does not bother me to learn that someone thinks I am attractive. (It’s because I am, lol.)

However, it happens too often that there are men that are NOT respectful and WILL NOT take no as an answer. (Unless there is another man that has a say.) There are signs that can indicate that men will be like this, but it can be at times hard to tell.

Because of the potential danger, I completely understand why women will treat the situation as a threatening one and try to de-escalate ahead of time.

I wouldn’t find someone that expects me to disrespect boundaries to be suitable dating material. I think you avoided a bad situation there.

I have found the most dating success not in random encounters, but starting from friendships/shared interests anyway.

If you are looking for a relationship, I wish you the best of luck!

They don’t start that bad in the beginning. It ramps up gradually.

If you consider one of my needs the need for community, I’m in. Especially if I can work and get luxuries on top of that if I so choose.

Travel is nice but fuck I have struggled so much with meeting my needs, none of those extras matter.

Animals. I can practically get close enough with the use of translators (human and otherwise) and nonverbal communication.

If I could understand animals, I would love that. My mom rescued a dog that was abused. I understand the dog some and accommodate her the best I can. But I wish I could understand better ways to make her feel comfortable. I accidentally scared her when I was going to sweep the floor (I think she thought I was going to hurt her with the broom) and it just broke my heart.

I know on some level sentient beings are just trying to live. But when I see a beaver or a chipmunk, I wish I knew what they were doing. What makes them love my neighbor’s yard? Do you live in that old pallet? Do their kids leave sticks lying around that are useful? Why does that bird like that spot? Is it warm? Is it a good vantage point to spot a tasty snack? (Like the neighbor’s chipmunks.) Why don’t I see any more spider webs in that spot? Was that where a specific spider would live, but it has since passed? Did the web get destroyed and it moved?

I wonder how they differentiated the usage of “faithful” in an obituary. It could be religious, or it could be tied to non-religious dedication, like “faithful husband to Edith for 35 years” or “faithfully devoted to the art of jazz.” Is this usage considered embodying traditional values?

What’s your sexual orientation? Straight or political?

At first, very hard.

I left an abusive relationship. I was afraid for my life. He made it clear that I should have been scared though, after some incidents incited by him.

He financially abused me and I had nearly nothing to my name. I took care of our daughter myself. He fought for custody of her. I fought back, and got sole custody.

I would get “anonymous” CPS reports filed against me. It was always nerve-wracking, but nothing was ever substantiated.

He still continues to try to get access to my medical records, to find something to use against me. It has been a decade now.

He still finds ways to mess with me via supervised visitation. (They allow him to break the rules.) I have to brush it off and endure it. Nothing more can be done. I was hoping he would lose interest but he has not.

He had to go to a batterer’s intervention class. Based on the court reports, he has not accepted any responsibility for what he has done. He has, however, gotten new vocabulary to weaponize against me and claims that I was abusive. (The incidents in question include me telling him to stop spending money on himself so I could pay rent. Apparently that is “financial abuse” and I “had all the power in the relationship because I made all the money” when he refused to work, but was able to.)

He is tens of thousands of dollars behind on child support. Every time I try to get court to enforce it, he brings me back to court. It costs me a lot of money so it is cheaper to not even try. (He affords it by having his dad pay for it. He doesn’t even pay for the lawyer himself. I, however, pay for my own lawyer.) Every time we tried to garnish his wages, he would quit his job.

I have to be very careful with how I live my life because he tried to find me doing anything out of line to take me back to court. If I lose and he gets unsupervised access, he will harm our child. I am afraid of what will happen when I no longer have a restraining order to protect me, but at least I am an adult that can protect myself. (The restraining order has already helped me a few times…)

It is exhausting.

However, life is so much better now. I worked hard and it paid off. I don’t have a leech spending all of our money on video games while I bring in all the money, do a lot of the household duties, and take care of a minor child. I don’t have to worry about my bank account having much less money and not being able to pay bills, because my partner saw something they wanted. I don’t have to fear my own safety in my home. I don’t have to shove all of my feelings down or else be belittled. I don’t have to be held back and sabotaged, because me achieving something hurts my partner’s feelings. I can have friends again without him inserting himself into the friendship or cutting them off from me.

It is much better.