Thanks!

Thanks!

Aww thank you! Honestly its been a journey, and ive been through quite a lot. But starting to see the landscape through the light at the end of the tunnel, i feel much better and would hate to see anyone of you go through the same stuff i did alone.

This post resonated with my experience so much i even questioned if i blacked out and wrote it myself in certain parts, so i just had to say something lol

Im sorry youre struggling with this so much. I can relate to you tho, because this is eerily similar, almost a word for word retelling of my experience.

I did try on the girls clothes when i was young and ended up repressing those thoughts as i went through puberty. “Guys” werent meant to have thoughts like that, and i got called the F slur alot. My family was also extremely homophobic and violent, so i never felt safe. Getting to high school i substance abused and was sexually promiscuous to compensate. I quickly turned into an alcoholic, got the wrong girl pregnant. Eventually gave up drinking but the thoughts NEVER LEFT. Ive spent the better part of my life dreaming of this and i couldnt think of it, i wasnt supposed to be like this. My dad was gone so maybe it was because he wasnt around to teach me. Maybe i hang out with to many girls and need to stop. These are all thoughts i had.

Being an adult i tried overcompensating again, got into guns and mechanics. Went shooting, worked on my car, hung out with other strongly male types, all that. I never was happy. I never looked in the mirrow and saw myself. I was living my life through a barrier yknow? Like i put on a protective suit before starting my day. Noone knew the real me, most still dont.

I cant tell you how your journey is going to go, noone can. I will say that about 5 years ago i started embracing it a bit, slowly but surely. I was taught ALOT of homophobia and toxic masculinity growing up and i still deal with it sometimes. That voice in my head still says some really hurtful things to me, i ignore it. Ultimately im happier in a dress than mens suits, i think i look better in a pair of skinny jeans or shorts than i do in big bulky pants, and ill wear tanktops over buttons ups all day evety day.

I think as i slowly dipped in the more i realized this is me, and the more joy and fun ive had from it. Its taken years, but im finally in a place to share with people (hence my posts) and im on the verge of coming out to everyone (week or two away)

The thing is, im happy. Not just pretending to be or just saying i am. I TRULY am, and during all this i figured out ive never been truly happy in my life. Its such an intoxicating feeling.

Coming out to my wife was the hardest thing ever, she was the first to know. She didnt leave! But it also took alot of time to adjust to it, and there werr hard times. Weve also had conversations about the future of intimacy that i wont get into now but it gives her options later yknow? She supported me, she took me to buy my first dresses, shes the best person ever and i know im so lucky to have someone supportive especially considering the lack of support others have.

Im still scared. I get so afraid to go in public. Im scared my daughter wont understand when i do talk to her about it. Im scared of people judging me for some stupid reason. The whole thing is scary AF and its completely natural to feel this way.

Start small like i did. Talk more with your wife about it! My partner helped me so much, including with clothes shopping discreetly (whos gonna question the husband saying what looks good and what doesnt when your wife holds up clothes?) Maybe talk with her about discreet shopping? Immerse yourself slowly, get a dress, take care of your skin, do makeup! These are all small things that can bring a huge amount of joy. And the more you do them the more youll figure out those questions.

Brcause idk about your experience, but mine started small like that, until i realized the pure joy and happiness that i got from it. Now im fully in, expecting to start hrt in just a few months, and loving myself even if internalized phobias are still there. The floodgates are open for me at this point

I hope it goes ok for you. Ill also say that being redstated sucks, i live in oregon which is vastly different and im still scared. I cant imagine what its like for you. Please reach out to me anytime, DM me if ya want. We have such similar lived experiences i wouldnt want you to go it alone like i did. Im here for ya, as we all are. And we love having you here, no matter what you end up figuring out about yourself. Youre here, and still an ally. And honestly we need all the red state allies we can get.

Dm me anytime, keep your head up!

Trans persons famously overthink everything, thats kinda half of the whole thing. Aint nothing to it but to do it

Yeah but laws are just the promise of violence perpatrated by the state sooooo 🤷‍♂️

Ive heard about them but i havent gotten my hands on one yet, may have to soon tho, thanks!

Ill look into this, thank you!

Oh the brunch gang? No way you could have liner THAT bad girl 😂 i wish i could steady my hand more, but its usually shaky from adhd med and lack of food. I love it so much though, keep it up!

I appreciate the reply! Imma try the waxing after longer hair, even if it makes my skin hate me. I hope it helps, because i literally have to shave some areas twice a day if i wanna be hairless lol

OMG i have the most sensitive skin ive ever seen on anyone. Waxing and hair remover is a nogo, especially because the hair that grows from that skin is also very thick. Ive used hair remover and managed burning my skin before all the hair would come.

Ive tried waxing too but no matter how i do it it doesnt actually pull the hair. Maybe i dont let it grow enough? Idk

Im both of these though?

Its incredible the difference in your aura. Genuinely sorry its been a tough journey, but it looks like the other side was worth it 😁 keep your head up!

Invisibility would be hands down the greatest super power ever, but i also feel like its just admitting that others feelings matter more than mine, then i make myself sad

Definitely hoping to see some helpful advice. Never knew why i HATED photos of me until my egg cracked, so i have very little experience in this area. But now that i actually like pictures of me, its a detriment

OMG your eye makeup 😍 im so jealous, most times my eyes look like trainwrecks lol

Honestly starting to shave more and more areas has made me hate body hair more and more. Idk why, but any hair that isnt my eyebrows or on top of head drives me absolutely insane now. It gets to be much to shave everything all the time, i do it in cycles. If i never grew it again, id be a happy girl

Thanks you too! fuck whyd i say that

Thanks!

This is how i envision every interaction with the public going tbh