I’m 18, soon to be 19, but I feel so left behind… my 3 years younger sister went on her first date. In school (in my country we graduate HS at 19) and I always hear classmates talking about jobs, parties, even just living and I feel so left out… Im not trying to be spiteful or anything, but I don’t have a driving license, never had a relationship and spend most of my time rotting in my room. I just feel so horrible, having lost so many years and knowing the pain will likely eat away many more, having tried to escape it so hard and yet constantly falling and falling and falling… a complete waste of life, an unfixable flaw in my brain…
I think a song I like, hymn to the decadent life, describes these feeling the best.
“Without being anything, I stare into the void.” Complete loss of identity. A disconnect of myself from my body, from who I want to be.
“I’m so sorry for existing, I’m a worthless adult wasting precious air” The painful reality that I can’t blame anyone for my failure, that it’s my fault, that I ruined my life.
Chat, am I cooked?
I live in the Czech republic.
I can’t make my driver’s license because I can’t make it on time to the driving school because I commute to school (I live in a small village) and my ability to do anything novel is limited because I have to study for maturita (school leaving exam that you have to pass to graduate HS here) and uni entrance exams. My parents fortunately agreed to cover the application fees for the school and the tests so I’ll probably apply after graduation. I hope to get accepted to uni, so I’ll probably apply to work part time over the summer.
I am looking very much up to being able to move to a bigger city for university and have a fresh start, the sight of change, of movement is probably the main thing keeping me afloat right now.
Thanks for responding to me.