I have been doing political work since I was 15. Due to some traumatic factors during my years as a 13-14-year-old clouding my memories, pretty much all of my conscious adolescence has been spent as a political organizer. Non-stop work, internal meetings for the org that I am in, protests, marches, rallies, political/cadre classes, forums, panels, more internal meetings.
I am the only youth member in my location’s branch of our organization. I have been a high schooler in one of the wealthiest areas of one of the wealthiest counties in the US. I also live in one of the most Zionist areas of the US.
And I am so unbelievably fucking tired.
On top of all my regular duties that any other comrade would be expected of, I have dealt with relentless persecution from my school for almost four years now. First over sexual assault (because of course this system never does justice to victims), and then after Oct 7, 2023, all about politics and Palestine. Meetings after meetings after meetings, reports after investigations after reports, on and on and on and on. Especially as time progressed, more and more people sympathized with Palestine and with what I was doing. It didn’t matter. This area is too wealthy, and the Zionists have too much influence. On top of institutional, systemic persecution, I was entirely socially isolated.
Bullying over Palestine was fueled by bullying over sexual assault, and vice versa. They both became justifications for the other. I basically became known as the Palestine removed
Everybody expects way too damn much from me. Since I’ve been politically active as such a young person, everyone just believes that I’m innately more mature for my age or strong for my age. Nobody ever gives me emotional support anymore, only logical solutions on how to get out of situations, and maybe it’s childish and pathetic but I wish I was treated like a kid sometimes. I’m not allowed to do things any other kid my age is allowed to do, the expectation to always be professional and a good cadre and good reflection of this and that and to always be restrained and in control and eloquent and well articulated, I actually can’t handle it anymore, I’m treated and viewed and placed under expectations as if I am the embodiment of so many big ideas, things, places, peoples, and movements, I’m exhausted
It’s so selfish and childish, but I am so unbelievably angry. Even though society just treats sexual assault and domestic violence victims badly period, I was treated astronomically worse due to being politically active. I look around myself, and I wish I got to experience normal things. I wish I spent my adolescence hanging out with friends or in stupid group chats or getting into petty drama
It’s so selfish but I’m so tired
None of this is selfish or childish. It is a common problem that people are treated like they’re mature or strong for their age, but you are completely right that people are expecting too much from you, and it sounds like they just don’t realize it yet. There’s no such thing as being innately mature. You need care appropriate for your developmental stage. It sounds like you have done some amazing work, and in a situation like this, comrades should be supporting your needs. Have you talked with your branch leadership about this? One benefit to working within a party is that you shouldn’t have to suffer in silence. In fact, that’s how people end up not knowing how to get their needs met for a long time and end up quitting. Please speak with your comrades about how to meet your needs so you can continue organizing long-term in a healthy way.
