But if you find yourself in situations where you might need an escape like this that often that you make this kind of deal, you might reconsider your friend group because that’s an unhealthy relationship.
So I was a kid who was goofy and hung out with gamer kids. One LAN party the kids from the other high school showed up and we went for a drive.
I had no idea it was going to happen, but one kid had a handgun and shot out from the moving car window in a residential neighborhood without any warning.
I probably would have taken my parents up on the offer to bail if I had a code word to do it, but I wasnt about to call my daddy in a car with an unstable kid with a gun to say im scared come get me.
But one question, would you still hang out with that one guy, and then make a coded text message with your parents to extract you, in case it happened again?
Or would you just cut that one guy it off your life?
So this sounds like a kid who’s in high school, probably 14 or 15. Enough freedom to go off and make mistakes, not old enough to always be able to bail from weird situations (no car or license, just doesn’t have the confidence yet to speak up).
You want your kids to go out and make mistakes, just not ones that have permanent consequences. Having a set up like this is how you let them go get in a little trouble and have a reasonably safe exit plan.
Children literally have not had the experience to recognize these situations, their brains aren’t fully developed, and aren’t fully in charge of their own lives. I agree that if you’re doing this often then you may want to have a conversation about how it keeps happening, but it’s much better for a kid to feel like they have a safety net. Otherwise they may stick in the shady situation and end up in more trouble
Maybe, but it’s definitely true that the frontal lobes are typically significantly underdeveloped in the under-25s, resulting in impulsive behaviour with less caution and poorer long term decision making.
There’s a time in your life when headlessly jumping out of the nest is absolutely the order of the day, and it’s late teens and early twenties.
Having a safety net isn’t a bad thing at this point, at all.
It never stops changing, but there is a significant freeze around 25. From about 12-25 there are massive changes to the brain. It also coincides with them first gaining true freedom, and learning the pros and cons of that.
Have you forgotten what it was like to be a child? Granted maybe age has something to do with it?
Finding yourself in situations that change is a part of growing up. I’m a fairly quiet 49 year old dude that grew up in the country but at times I found myself with friends drinking and driving, stealing cars, breaking into houses, but also biking around town, playing handegg or playing D&D or NHL 94.
Point being you couldn’t know where the situation might take you because you’re not as good at sussing out the bad ones and even if your parents knew would you listen to them? Lol
eh, its good to have a plan whether or not certain occurances are common.
I know what to grab (if I can) and where I’m going if my house is on fire because i made a plan. doesn’t mean my house catches fire often, just that I’m realistic about possible dangers and how to respond to them.
Not necessarily. It’s perfectly possible to have a healthy friendship with someone who has some self destructive habits that you aren’t going to hang around for (drugs, alcohol, etc). As an adult, you’d just remove yourself from the situation and not worry about being uncool, but this is a teenager we’re talking about.
But even if your house has never burned down, you should still have a plan for if it does. My wife and I both know what to grab in the case that a fire or carbon monoxide alarm goes off and we need to leave quickly. It’s never happened, but you don’t want to be in the moment running around panicking because you didn’t have a plan.
It doesn’t need to be some crazy detailed thing - something simple like “grab the green folder in the file cabinet” or, like this example, “text me “x” and I’ll get you out” will work fine, and will save you when it’s needed.
I mean it is wholesome that dad would do that.
But if you find yourself in situations where you might need an escape like this that often that you make this kind of deal, you might reconsider your friend group because that’s an unhealthy relationship.
So I was a kid who was goofy and hung out with gamer kids. One LAN party the kids from the other high school showed up and we went for a drive.
I had no idea it was going to happen, but one kid had a handgun and shot out from the moving car window in a residential neighborhood without any warning.
I probably would have taken my parents up on the offer to bail if I had a code word to do it, but I wasnt about to call my daddy in a car with an unstable kid with a gun to say im scared come get me.
Tldr its a good thing don’t shit on it.
Oh I’m not saying it isn’t.
But one question, would you still hang out with that one guy, and then make a coded text message with your parents to extract you, in case it happened again?
Or would you just cut that one guy it off your life?
So this sounds like a kid who’s in high school, probably 14 or 15. Enough freedom to go off and make mistakes, not old enough to always be able to bail from weird situations (no car or license, just doesn’t have the confidence yet to speak up).
You want your kids to go out and make mistakes, just not ones that have permanent consequences. Having a set up like this is how you let them go get in a little trouble and have a reasonably safe exit plan.
Children literally have not had the experience to recognize these situations, their brains aren’t fully developed, and aren’t fully in charge of their own lives. I agree that if you’re doing this often then you may want to have a conversation about how it keeps happening, but it’s much better for a kid to feel like they have a safety net. Otherwise they may stick in the shady situation and end up in more trouble
I agree with you but the human brain is constantly developing throughout our lives. It’s never fully developed.
Maybe, but it’s definitely true that the frontal lobes are typically significantly underdeveloped in the under-25s, resulting in impulsive behaviour with less caution and poorer long term decision making.
There’s a time in your life when headlessly jumping out of the nest is absolutely the order of the day, and it’s late teens and early twenties.
Having a safety net isn’t a bad thing at this point, at all.
It never stops changing, but there is a significant freeze around 25. From about 12-25 there are massive changes to the brain. It also coincides with them first gaining true freedom, and learning the pros and cons of that.
I dunno, I’m so stupid that I’m pretty sure my brain has stopped developing, and, in certain areas is regressing.
Have you forgotten what it was like to be a child? Granted maybe age has something to do with it?
Finding yourself in situations that change is a part of growing up. I’m a fairly quiet 49 year old dude that grew up in the country but at times I found myself with friends drinking and driving, stealing cars, breaking into houses, but also biking around town, playing handegg or playing D&D or NHL 94.
Point being you couldn’t know where the situation might take you because you’re not as good at sussing out the bad ones and even if your parents knew would you listen to them? Lol
This is the opportunity for them to learn that without getting injured or arrested.
eh, its good to have a plan whether or not certain occurances are common.
I know what to grab (if I can) and where I’m going if my house is on fire because i made a plan. doesn’t mean my house catches fire often, just that I’m realistic about possible dangers and how to respond to them.
Friend had a safe word because she wouldn’t poop at other people’s homes.
Not necessarily. It’s perfectly possible to have a healthy friendship with someone who has some self destructive habits that you aren’t going to hang around for (drugs, alcohol, etc). As an adult, you’d just remove yourself from the situation and not worry about being uncool, but this is a teenager we’re talking about.
Agreed, it’s good to have a plan, but this was very specific and implied this happened more often.
If your house burned down regularly, if suggest looking at the fundamental cause, rather than planning on the next occasion.
There is no implication that this happens often.
But even if your house has never burned down, you should still have a plan for if it does. My wife and I both know what to grab in the case that a fire or carbon monoxide alarm goes off and we need to leave quickly. It’s never happened, but you don’t want to be in the moment running around panicking because you didn’t have a plan.
It doesn’t need to be some crazy detailed thing - something simple like “grab the green folder in the file cabinet” or, like this example, “text me “x” and I’ll get you out” will work fine, and will save you when it’s needed.