Being independent can be incredibly fulfilling.
It can also be fucking exhausting sometimes.
My car battery died, so I ordered a new one. I carefully checked the amperage, dimensions, and compatibility with my car model. It arrived, I removed the old battery (which was no small feat, and I was ridiculously proud of myself when I finally managed it) and then discovered that the terminals on the new battery were reversed and it wouldn’t work.
So now I have to return it. Which means carrying a 15 kg battery to the post office.
Then I have to wait for the correct one to arrive.
And after that, I get to figure out why two of my tyres are flat (no problem, I have a spare tyre and ordered a charger/air blower thingy, hopefully it will work).
I am perfectly capable of taking care of my own shit.
I’m just getting a little tired of it. But lesson learned: buy the exact same model of whatever you need to replace if you can.
/rant
I left that Era of " all by myself " and now I play dump even when I know what should be done. I make my life easy and less hustle and more space for pleasure to be served. Ridiculously, this my behavior bring pleasure to opposite sex 😅 only if they knew where I truly stand. Sometimes I have to interrupt their help, because can’t see how not knowledgeable they do the work and this is only time when I feel uncomfortable, because my true intentions are seem🙈
My life has taken such a weird path on dependence. I studied engineering in college, nominally as a cis straight guy, wasn’t out yet. But life has taken some wild turns. Transitioned. Watched my orientation orientation do a total 180 in the process. Went from mostly liking girls with a passing interest in guys to being exclusively interested in men. Ended up dating, falling for, and marrying a cis het guy. I’ve worked an engineering career, but an unconventional one and chaotic one. I’ve spent time in and out of academia, sometimes teaching, sometimes working in industry. Had a PhD program that didn’t work out, and I’ve dealt with a lot of job instability relating to ADHD/ASD.
I never thought I would be in this situation, but it just kind of happened. When I was in undergrad and repressing hard, if you had asked me, I would have told you that my life plan was to start a career, find a wife, and have a family together. Somehow I ended up becoming essentially a stay-at-home wife completely financially dependent on my husband. This coming school year I’ll be doing a combination of tutoring, substitute teaching, and my various volunteer work. I keep myself plenty busy, but I’ll be lucky if I make a third of what he makes this year. And realistically, with all the career instability I’ve had, I would probably be on the street or doing sex worth without him.
It’s a path I never thought I would go down. Even post-transition I was very independent. We got married in 2018. We entered the marriage with equal net worth. I had even worked my butt off and actually paid off a mortgage on the modest townhome I owned before we wed. But shortly after we got married I started that doomed PhD program, and things just grew from there. I never planned on ending up dependent on my husband, but that’s just the way it happened.
I knew a lot would change when I transitioned genders. But I never thought I would find myself in my late 30s, bouncing back and forth in a career between stay-at-home wife and intermittent pink collar work. But you fall in love who you fall in love with, and medical issues are medical issues. We’re doing fine. Me working is more about us meeting our savings and retirement goals than keeping a roof over our heads. And our wealth has only grown since we got married, substantially so. Our marriage is stable, we’re still madly in love with each other after 8 years of marriage. And we have enough life insurance that I would be OK if something happened to him. But it’s still just a lot of complex emotions. And it’s not because of anything he’s done. I couldn’t ask for a better partner. He doesn’t control me, not want me to work, or anything like that. I’ve just had a lot of career difficulties that have produced this outcome. I just never thought I would end up so completely dependent on a man.
Thanks for sharing. While reading one question popped in in my head- don’t you find interesting that career decline matched the period of becoming wife ? Asking,because before transition and marriage you had pretty stable income. That what happens to many( very many) women . They dedicate energy in career and after marriage to home, partner’s care ect. Imagine adding kids and pets care to that… So, don’t yiu ever think that remaining male you would have been more stable financially, more opportunities and better income ? P.s. welcome to women’s life in patriarchal society.