I like it and think it adds a nice little happiness for the protagonist who needed some after the first scene :)
I’m not sure about the last sentence. It’s not clear to me what is meant. Is it that the protagonist will rewind time to before her death and then run off with her (to protect her) and leave everyone else to die?
If they can rewind time, and have done so for the equivalent of 1000s of years, I feel like “losses” would be insignificant and routine. I’m sure it would be exhausting, but at the same time, they could just do a few lifetimes of vacation to counter the burnout and then get back to trying to save the world.
Although, if they had watch Ev die or be with her as she dies, I could see that being extremely taxing on their psyche. But again, the few lifetimes of “running away”, I think, would allow him to recover. Though maybe this is pre- his first vacation lifetime and he’s trying to justify the “vacation” run to himself.
Well I’ll end my stream of thought here, hopefully it’s clear I like it and find the scene interesting. If we’re lucky, you’ll be interested in writing to some more prompts in the future :)
Edit: just saw you had previous posts and read them. Enjoyed those too, though had difficulty following the “I still do not understand. It’s a religious letter.” scene. First time reading through it I thought it was a conversation with 3 characters, but now I think its just the vampire and demon.
The writingprompts c/ on .world got shuttered in favor of this one, and I switched to this account as well, so not everything is in this account history.
The scene with Tobias has two vampires and Tobias’ demon, a canine looking rabishu (a type of spirit with real world mythology, but very different from the fictional version used by me).
That is what he means. If he can’t keep her, he doesn’t care about the rest of the universe. He’ll take whatever they can manage to have until…
It may help to know that the origin of the character was from a previous prompt about a “groundhog day” superhero. I’ll copy in the story as a separate response here.
But, originally, he led a fairly linear life. The backward skips were bad, but he didn’t lose much. He gained because he could undo the bad.
But then he went waaaay back. And he’s been bouncing back and forth through the same span of time ever since.
He had gotten inured to death. He accepted that he was just gloomy to keep going, seeing the death, but apart from it because the only thing that mattered was fixing those deaths.
And then he met her. And his entire universe shifted. He’s seen her die. At least once, likely more. That’s breaking him. That’s shifting his goal from saving the world to just not losing her.
Which is probably a bit spoilerish, but the whole thing is burning in my brain currently, so it needs out
The added context your link to your previous story helps. Thanks :)
Your writing is fun and the plot is interesting, are you thinking of turning this story/character into a full short-story/book/novel? I’d be interested in reading more.
I have an ongoing short story collection I intend to eventually call a finished thing and put up on Amazon and the other sites. Most likely, this will be like my other multi-chapter short stories and end up at novella length or shorter, so I think that’s where it’ll get put long term.
My brain is telling me there’s three more shorts in there, plus maybe a few very small scenes to tie things into a package.
I keep editing and piddling with the short story collection and every time I have a couple more to add in lol. The epub has been getting bigger for a couple of years now.
Thanks for letting me know about the new scene.
I like it and think it adds a nice little happiness for the protagonist who needed some after the first scene :)
I’m not sure about the last sentence. It’s not clear to me what is meant. Is it that the protagonist will rewind time to before her death and then run off with her (to protect her) and leave everyone else to die?
If they can rewind time, and have done so for the equivalent of 1000s of years, I feel like “losses” would be insignificant and routine. I’m sure it would be exhausting, but at the same time, they could just do a few lifetimes of vacation to counter the burnout and then get back to trying to save the world.
Although, if they had watch Ev die or be with her as she dies, I could see that being extremely taxing on their psyche. But again, the few lifetimes of “running away”, I think, would allow him to recover. Though maybe this is pre- his first vacation lifetime and he’s trying to justify the “vacation” run to himself.
Well I’ll end my stream of thought here, hopefully it’s clear I like it and find the scene interesting. If we’re lucky, you’ll be interested in writing to some more prompts in the future :)
Edit: just saw you had previous posts and read them. Enjoyed those too, though had difficulty following the “I still do not understand. It’s a religious letter.” scene. First time reading through it I thought it was a conversation with 3 characters, but now I think its just the vampire and demon.
The original heroes fall is too long to repost in one comment.
But the link is https://lemmy.world/comment/16264684
The writingprompts c/ on .world got shuttered in favor of this one, and I switched to this account as well, so not everything is in this account history.
The scene with Tobias has two vampires and Tobias’ demon, a canine looking rabishu (a type of spirit with real world mythology, but very different from the fictional version used by me).
That was a fun read thanks for sharing it :)
That is what he means. If he can’t keep her, he doesn’t care about the rest of the universe. He’ll take whatever they can manage to have until…
It may help to know that the origin of the character was from a previous prompt about a “groundhog day” superhero. I’ll copy in the story as a separate response here.
But, originally, he led a fairly linear life. The backward skips were bad, but he didn’t lose much. He gained because he could undo the bad.
But then he went waaaay back. And he’s been bouncing back and forth through the same span of time ever since.
He had gotten inured to death. He accepted that he was just gloomy to keep going, seeing the death, but apart from it because the only thing that mattered was fixing those deaths.
And then he met her. And his entire universe shifted. He’s seen her die. At least once, likely more. That’s breaking him. That’s shifting his goal from saving the world to just not losing her.
Which is probably a bit spoilerish, but the whole thing is burning in my brain currently, so it needs out
The added context your link to your previous story helps. Thanks :)
Your writing is fun and the plot is interesting, are you thinking of turning this story/character into a full short-story/book/novel? I’d be interested in reading more.
I have an ongoing short story collection I intend to eventually call a finished thing and put up on Amazon and the other sites. Most likely, this will be like my other multi-chapter short stories and end up at novella length or shorter, so I think that’s where it’ll get put long term.
My brain is telling me there’s three more shorts in there, plus maybe a few very small scenes to tie things into a package.
I keep editing and piddling with the short story collection and every time I have a couple more to add in lol. The epub has been getting bigger for a couple of years now.
Thanks for sharing where you’re at (I’m curious about author stuff) and I’m happy to hear you are going to publish.
Please feel free to hit me up when you do, so I can support you :)