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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/insnowmotion on 2026-05-05 18:54:31+00:00.
DO NOT COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS. I am NOT OP. Original posts by u/ThrowRAWhyNow (since deleted) and u/ThrowRAWhyNow2 in r/relationship_advice
trigger warnings: mental health crisis, suicidal ideation
mood spoilers: frustrating, inconclusive, somewhat “hopeful” but not exactly
My wife (24F) is threatening to divorce me (31M) if I don’t convert to Islam. I don’t know how to change her mind. (Rareddit) - 19th April 2020
Some background information, we have be in a relationship over 3 years and recently married. Neither of us grew up in Islam, but she decided to convert few days ago (in quarantine). She is now threatening to divorce me if I don’t say the two sentences and shower, which is declaring my conversion.
I grew up in a christian household and consider myself agnostic at this point. I felt indifferent about islam, but it now feels personal because it’s driving my wife to thoughts of suicide and her feeling like she will die and be sent off to hell tomorrow if I don’t convert today. Initially, we agreed it was fine if she practiced Islam (praying, fasting, and etc) but now it’s convert or divorce.
I don’t know what to do or say, we’ve been arguing for few days but she seems to get more extreme, the more she reads. I keep telling her I understand her beliefs but the intensity and the ultimatums are not normal. For me, this is my line and I won’t convert under such threats.
Quick Update: I truly appreciate all the feedback and it’s helping me get some bearing on the situation.
First, I should have been up front in my post about her history of anxiety and depression in the original post. I apologize if I presented Islam in the wrong light, which I don’t know enough about to form that opinion. I would feel the same way if she was threatening divorce or suicide under any other religion.
I agree with lot of posters who suspect mental health issue being the cause of all this. I was so wrapped up trying to research what Islam says about this topic and refuting her points through their texts, but I don’t think thats a battle I could win.
She spoke with a local imam who advised her to stay in the marriage and be patient with me. She also agreed to revisit her psychiatrist (all telephonically of course) and see if we can find a good therapist. This is far from over, but I think we are taking the right steps.
Will provide other updates as they come up and again, thank you guys for the support.
Relevant Comments:
Commenter 1:
it’s driving my wife to thoughts of suicide and her feeling like she will die and be sent off to hell tomorrow if I don’t convert today.
This is concerning. I don’t think this is about religion.
OOP: That’s what I fear as well. I could understand converting and trying to convince others of the merit of the religion. The condition of you must convert now is what terrifies me.
Quick update, she chatted on the phone with a local imam who advised her to stay in the marriage and be patient with me. It feels like a wishy washy answer, but if it gives her some peace now, so be it. We also reached out to a therapist and her psychiatrist to consider medications again.
I think lot of posters are right about this being about a mental health issue vs religion. No longer having work, not being able to go outside safely, and being cut off from everything that was helpful is taking a serious toll. I really appreciate all the feedback from everyone and will provide updates as we progress.
Commenter 2: This doesnt sound normal, I dont think it has something to do with religion or her converting. There has to be an underlying issue. How come she suddenly decided to convert? How did she get in touch with the religion? Who taught her? Her behaviour sounds somewhat delusional.
OOP: She’s always read and researched religious texts (quran, bible, torah, and etc) on her own. She came to her recent conclusions through the internet without any local or in person guidance.
She has asked me to call the authorities if she fall in on the deep end (like moving to syria), so I think she realizes the insanity in certain parts.
Commenter 3:
She’s losing it.
She already been diagnosed with any psychiatric disturbances?
If she’s threatening suicide you can call and get official support for her unstable emotions.
OOP: We made a call to her psychiatrist for an appointment. She had weaned off her medications months ago and was doing really well. Her being stuck at home with no outlet seems to have undone the progress.
My main focus now will be making sure she gets the treatment she needs. Once she has her anxiety, depression (and anything else) in order, I can discuss religion with her in a meaningful way. I know I won’t convert under threat of divorce, but I will hear her out with an open heart. If she still decides divorce is the only solution… I will address it then.
For now, I am going to get some food and sleep since she’s been keeping me up for the last few days.
OOP comments on why she stopped taking her meds: The biggest factor for her was lack of sleep. She couldn’t sleep at all while on meds and her doctor recommended higher doses of other medicine while not addressing the sleeping medication. I was ok with it since she was genuinely improving (even on lower doses), doing better at work, at home and etc.
UPDATE - My wife (24F) is threatening to divorce me (31M) if I don’t convert to Islam. I don’t know how to change her mind. - 20th April 2020 (1 day later) - new account after OOP deleted his original account
Apologies for deleting the original post and account. It was an attempt to avoid her seeing it and not knowing how she would respond. She found the post when it went briefly to the front. She doesn’t seem mad at all, she really did panic with the Islam fatwas nulling out the marriage.
She is ashamed of what she did in trying to force me. Agreed to see her therapist on my timetable ASAP. From the way she spoke, there has not been a formal conversion (with witnesses and all, she read the words online with fear). She has also been studying world religion for years, which I mistook for a passive hobby.
The Imam was quite firm in her being patient in hope I convert, but she has relented. I think she is too tired after days on end crying.
I am optimistic about our future and thank you for the kind words.
Relevant Comments:
Commenter 1: I’d still be concerned about your future. What was it about Islam specifically that drew her? Does she intend to be ok with you as a non believer forever? Because if she isn’t ok with that, and you aren’t ok with her living by Islamic precepts, this isn’t the relationship either of you started with.
OOP: She calmed down a ton after the call with the Imam. It made her realize, with or without religious difference. i will be her husband.
Commenter 2 (replying to OOP’s reply): This is the worst part in my opinion. She only calmed down after talking with imam, but she couldn’t logically think while threatening her husband with an ultimatum? She’s already putting her new religion ahead of, whats supposed to be, her life partner.
OOP: Imam gave her some peace of mind and this discussion still has ways to go. Reading others response, even Muslim posters has a difference of opinion on this matter.
Bottom line, no one should be making any religious decisions while having a mental episode (not sure what the right term is). She started her treatment and we are hopeful it will get her much needed rest (mentally and physically from lack of sleep).
She hasn’t made any ultimatums in the past and my sole focus is helping her get the treatments she needs now. Everything else will have to wait for now.
Commenter 3:
Agreed to see her therapist on my timetable ASAP.
She should. She has some serious mental health issues and problems. I hope everything works out.
OOP: We were able to get her treatment started today. Thank you for the kind words.
Commenter 4:
As a Muslim I’m going to say if she’s going to practice Islam then this will be a source of constant issues. Majority of scholars think a Muslim woman can’t be married to non-muslim man. It’s likely her Imam and/or contacts might have similar views.
My suggestion is to save yourself years of pain, fights and file for divorce.
OOP: The local Imam held the view we could stay together. Said to hope I convert, but didn’t add a time table. “Keep your husband.”
Commenter 5: It’s interesting how many people end up marrying someone who turns out to be crazy. We really need better mental health in this country so this stops happening
OOP: I agree with our country needing better mental health, but perhaps this could have been avoided with better treatment to begin with.
I don’t think my wife is crazy …
Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1t4orut/my_wife_24f_is_threatening_to_divorce_me_31m_if_i/
hope she’s stable now and hope they worked things out. he seems very kind.