In the US, first of all.
I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD, depression, and anxiety. I’m trying to get tested for autism, but I think I might have 1 or 2 autistic traits, and any unofficial test has me on the low end of the spectrum.
One thing I’ve noticed lately is that I can’t put my brain on autopilot. And this has caused severe work impairment.
Like let’s say I get a job sorting packages or papers. Most people, when they do this kind of job, they need to focus on what they’re doing initially, but after a while, it becomes automatic, and they can do it without thinking about it (to a degree of course).
But for me if I let my mind wander I will literally stop doing the job. So I need to continually focus with 100% effort on what I’m doing. As you can imagine, this becomes an immense mental load, so I often fall way behind other employees at most blue-collar jobs, many times ending up getting fired for underperforming.
That’s not to say I don’t zone out, because I definitely do. I have an over-active imagination for an adult. It’s just that whatever task I’m doing (driving, brushing my teeth, cleaning the house, etc), I have to make an intentional effort to pay attention to what I’m doing.
Thankfully I am in tech, which (by default) engages the brain, but the opportunities for work are slim, so I have to be adaptable to other jobs as well. But obviously with this quirk of my brain, that severely limits my options.
It’s hard to really communicate what is going on and how annoying this is. I’m hoping someone else deals with the same thing, or knows how to talk about this.
Thanks for reading.
Oh fuck adhd without autopilot must suck ass, it’s my only escape sometimes. Really feeling for you. Are you on medication? I would try medication ASAP, ritalin, vyvanse whatever. Legally is ofcourse easiest if possible. Otherwise if you have a campus near, try befriending some people there, they very much are students drugs. Caffeine can be a huge help too or huge burden so either take loads more or cut it depending on what your taking. You can get a good dosage going with a morning coffee and then keep it up with black tea for instance. There also are caffeine pills of course if you need to dose without tea throughout the day.
Ultimately that feeling of having to concentrate “through your thoughts” are your nervecells pumping dopamine in every direction. If you get a sluggish feeling like your thoughts are stuck in mud and youre thinking feels like wading through water that’s your nerve cells no longer having sufficient dopamine to think. There is jack shit you can do about that it fucking sucks ass. This is not a failure on your end, your nerves had to “burn” dopamine like a coaltrain going uphill and now there simply is none left. I don’t know how I survived before taking medication and I hope I never have to find out.
Also be mindful of alcohol, cut it if you are taking any. The effect is way longer lasting than the buzz, the buzz is an increased dopamine release, but this needs to be replenished which for adhd people like us, who already need to be mindful of their dopamine levels can kill the entire day after dead even if we’re not “hungover”.