The snow is making that hand look like a pigeon roost.

That’s how you end up with a spicy pillow in your phone.

As a kid we had a cherry tree and you’ve never seen so many drunk songbirds smacking into walls.

Yep. That’s how time works.

Fun fact, William Shatner can’t do the salute; whenever you see him do it, they had to tape his fingers together.

If you try and take my junk food I will vomit on you. I’m sure as hell not gonna die of a heart attack by eating fuckin plants.

Have they studied the drinking water? Lead has fucked up a lot of brains over the years.

A friend of mine came close once. In Morrowind, he made a jumping potion that allowed him to clear the entire island and two jumps. one from the edge of the map to the top of the mountain, and then another one to the other edge of the island. He got stunned at the end of that last fall and drowned in about a foot of water.

I kinda want to know the original context this photo.

To be fair, overhyped bawdy plays from hundreds of years ago are boring AF nowadays.

If he was still alive I’d say take a chainsaw to his face.

That’s like saying you prefer cyanide over arsenic because it tastes better.

Agreed. Tyre is a city in Lebanon. Tire is the round rubber thing that encircles a wheel.

Law enforcement. Because I have ethics.

No you’re thinking of arcing electrical current. It’s super safe

The irony is lost on these shitbergs.

See this is why I always disable substitutions.

It’s cold in Minnesota, but Molotovs will keep ICE agents warm for the rest of their lives.

You could try divorcing Jeff Bezos.

Did you know that there are inexpensive, difficult to lose ones that plug into devices? I highly recommend them.