In the US, first of all.

I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD, depression, and anxiety. I’m trying to get tested for autism, but I think I might have 1 or 2 autistic traits, and any unofficial test has me on the low end of the spectrum.

One thing I’ve noticed lately is that I can’t put my brain on autopilot. And this has caused severe work impairment.

Like let’s say I get a job sorting packages or papers. Most people, when they do this kind of job, they need to focus on what they’re doing initially, but after a while, it becomes automatic, and they can do it without thinking about it (to a degree of course).

But for me if I let my mind wander I will literally stop doing the job. So I need to continually focus with 100% effort on what I’m doing. As you can imagine, this becomes an immense mental load, so I often fall way behind other employees at most blue-collar jobs, many times ending up getting fired for underperforming.

That’s not to say I don’t zone out, because I definitely do. I have an over-active imagination for an adult. It’s just that whatever task I’m doing (driving, brushing my teeth, cleaning the house, etc), I have to make an intentional effort to pay attention to what I’m doing.

Thankfully I am in tech, which (by default) engages the brain, but the opportunities for work are slim, so I have to be adaptable to other jobs as well. But obviously with this quirk of my brain, that severely limits my options.

It’s hard to really communicate what is going on and how annoying this is. I’m hoping someone else deals with the same thing, or knows how to talk about this.

Thanks for reading.